Saltines- The Luxury of the Essential

Rich with butter and milk, salt like diamonds, 

and the warm zest of pepper-

 if this is the humblest of your pleasures, then a very fine year is in store.

Happy new year. What with nearly the whole of my every day being consumed with the life of the table, I could probably come up with something more spectacular for the first post of the new year than a, a.... cracker- a *saltine cracker no less. Crackers are a humble thing. But that is exactly the point- to make even the humblest of pleasures of the new year sublime. Making everything you dine on truly worthwhile is a fine resolution.

It's true- crackers that are fine enough can be bought in most countries. But, "fine enough"? And Greece is not a nation of cracker eaters. Our local saltines- misleadingly named "Elite"- are graceless. Italy makes a fine saltine available here- "Del-Ser"- plain or rosemary. I suppose they are not a nation of cracker eaters either, but then they seem incapable of doing anything poorly.

Is it worth the effort? Oh yes- and not only because of the divine result, but because the effort itself is so very minimal. Thanks to a little trick, these have none of the tedium that a rolled and cut item generally involves. The dough comes together with your fingers and a stir of a fork in just a minute, and has only ingredients generally always on hand.

We'll need:

375 g/ 3 C flour

100 g/ 3 1/2 oz. unsalted butter- cold and cut up into pieces

10 ml/ 2 tsp. sugar (you won't notice the sweetness but it makes for a full flavor against the salt)

5 ml/ 1 tsp. table salt

a very few grinds of pepper 

240 ml/ 1 C milk

more freshly ground pepper, and fat flakes of sea salt, for sprinkling on top

These want a hot oven so we'll turn it on already, to 200 c/390 f.

Blend the dry ingredients in a bowl large enough to get your hands in:

Add the pieces of cold butter:

Blend them in with your fingertips until the mixture looks sandy, and pour in the milk. Use a fork to stir just until it forms a soft dough:

The rolling out step is the one that makes these definitely not too much trouble. Take a piece of non-stick parchment the size of your baking sheet, sprinkle it well with flour, and take half of the dough and pat it out into a flat rectangle on the parchment:

Roll it out until it covers most of the parchment and is about as thick as a rather thick coin. Lift the sheet of dough and brush away some of the excess flour, and then make some indentations here and there with your fingertips:

The arrows are pointing out the parchment right under the dough.

moisten it slightly with damp hands, and sprinkle it all over with sea salt and coarsely ground pepper:

Using a fluted pastry wheel- or even a knife- trim the ragged edges, leaving the trim right where it is to bake as a snack, and cut the dough into the size and shape you want:

Give the skewer a little twist with your fingers to make a more convincing hole.

and with the bottom of a wooden skewer make a few holes. With the flour underneath, these won't stick, and as they take up just a bit in the oven, they won't spread together like cookies do. Just give them a gentle nudge to get some space between them, so they brown nicely on the edges as they bake:

Make them any size you like-
I found a sheet made about 24 generous crackers.

After about ten minutes, keep a very close eye on them. They'll blister up and be a little darker there and on the edges, and the salt will glitter like sugar, and the pepper will give a little drama:

You may end up removing some of the crackers on the edges as they darken more quickly, while giving the ones in the middle an extra minute or so.

I've seasoned these with a light hand when planning on having them with cheeses. They're a delicious appetizer cracker on their own- season them a little more boldly if you're having them this way. You could do a tray of each. 

The beauty of of the rich simple flavors shines through- you can taste the butter, and the milk, and the gentle white flour underneath the liveliness of the pepper and the flaky salt.

*My cousin, Ron Barnes of Los Angeles, once referred to saltines as "the Chardonnay of crackers." Or was Chardonnay the "Saltine" of wines? The sentiment works either way.